The Fall Of Kendrine Adems
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: Perry's least favorite singing sensation, Kendrine Adems, believes her career is over when her hit song drops from #1 to #2. As she is the daughter of Monogram's childhood friend, Perry is forced to help her find another line of work. THIS STORY IS PART OF A SERIES AND WILL NOT MAKE SENSE WITHOUT READING THE PREVIOUS STORIES.
1. Chapter 1

**This story will not make a lick of sense without reading the previous stories, but if you decide to: Phineas and Ferb and Candace can all understand Perry via translator, and remember their adventures with him!**

Ferb shot a straw wrapper.

Phineas ducked. "Be careful, Ferb. You almost hit the waitress."

"I know." Ferb said. "I keep missing."

"Look at this." Perry said, partially to distract Ferb and partially because he wanted to point out the flyer sitting in the middle of the table. "It's one of those highly unreasonable restaurant offers."

"Unreasonable offers?" Phineas asked.

Perry picked up the flyer and began to read. "On select Tuesday nights, get free cheese sticks with any 20 dollar purchase before nine PM when ordering dinner for two during a full moon! Extra charges apply."

"You can just buy the cheese sticks for two bucks." Phineas said.

"Exactly." Perry said.

"Hi there!" Said a high-pitched cheerful voice. A blond woman with her hair tied back in a large pink bow skipped over to them. "My name is Nancy and I'll be taking care of you this evening!"

"Great. Where's my blankie?" Perry asked.

"Can I interest you boys in an appetizer from our Kid's Menu?" Nancy asked. "Such as our Cheesy-Weedle-Weedle Frenchy Wenchy Fries? Or our Buttery Buttery Bread Fun Snack?"

"Sure, I'll have the cheese fries." Phineas said.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did you mean the Cheesy-Weedle-Weedle Frenchy Wenchy Fries?"

"I hate this place." Perry muttered.

"Uh… yeah. Those." Phineas said.

"Well, okay then! What about for the cute green-haired little boy?" Nancy asked.

"Buttery Buttery Bread Fun Snack." Ferb said, in a perfect American accent.

Perry and Phineas looked at him.

"All rightie, then!" Nancy said, skipping away.

"It's really just buttered bread." Ferb said.

"Why did you talk in a weird accent?" Phineas asked.

Ferb looked at him.

"Oh." Phineas snickered. "That's right. It's not a weird accent, it's my accent."

"I shall use a different accent every time she comes by." Ferb said.

"You guys should switch accents one day." Perry said. "Confuse everyone- Heyyyy. She didn't ask me if I wanted an appetizer."

"You can have some of my cheese fries." Phineas said.

"You mean your Cheesedorable Squishy Wishy Friedy Wideys?" Perry teased.

Phineas cringed.

"The food is great here, but I hate the names." Ferb said. "Look. Pasta-o-smashical Super-Spaghetti."

"I bet two guys got bored at their menu-writing job one day and they dared each other to come up with the weirdest name." Perry said. "Hey, when she comes back, can you order me some Kool Dawg Hawt Chawk?"

"They do have good hot chocolate here." Phineas said.

"Oh no, little boy!" Nancy said, placing cheese fries and buttered bread in front of the boys. "We don't have hot chocolate here. We have Kool Dawg Hawt Chawk." She frowned for a moment. "Or whatever it is you kids say these days."

"We say hot chocolate." Ferb informed her in an Irish accent.

Nancy blinked. Then she went right back to smiling. "May I take your adorable little orders?"

"I'll have a grilled cheese…" Phineas began.

"Do you mean, a Silly-Willy Grilly Cheese?" Nancy corrected.

"Whatever." Phineas mumbled. "Yes. And a milkshake."

"A Milky-Moo Shakeroo?"

Phineas rolled his eyes and nodded.

Nancy giggled and took his menu. "And for you, little green-haired boy?"

"I'll have three chocolate milks and a Veggie-Weggie Burgertastic Burger." Ferb said in a Russian accent.

"…Weren't you just Irish?" Nancy asked.

"No, why do you ask?" Ferb replied in his natural dialect.

Nancy shook her head. "And what is the little blue man having for dinner?"

"You, if you don't take back the little blue man comment." Perry said.

"He wants spaghetti and a salad." Phineas said.

"All rightie!" Nancy said cheerfully. "I'll get your orders in faster than you can say Cheesy Squeezy!"

Ferb opened his mouth.

"It's just something they make us say. I can't really do it that fast." Nancy muttered. She grabbed Perry's menu and left the table.

"She didn't correct you with the spaghetti and salad." Perry said.

"The adult menu doesn't have weird names for food." Phineas explained. "Aw, Perry. I wish you didn't have to go tonight. I wish you could just stay here with us."

Perry clutched the cow pendant in his fur pocket. "I know, boys. But I'll be back home tomorrow. We'll do something fun. But I have to do this tonight."

* * *

Perry walked up to the abandoned gas station with the angry cow painted on the side. He pulled up the hood on his jacket and reached into his pocket, closing his fingers around the pendant.

He pulled it out and examined it.

Yep, same cow.

Perry took a deep breath and walked forward. The doors parted, and he was inside.

The room was dimly lit by colored lights and crowded. Perry pushed his way past other animals.

"Hey. Back for more partying, are ya?" Asked a gorgeous pig in a blue dress, placing her hoof on his shoulder.

"Back off, Sche." Perry spat.

"Ooh, we've got a cranky one." Sche commented. She disappeared back into the crowd.

Perry finally found the animal he was searching for: A crafty-looking tortoise in combat boots.

"Memory." Perry said.

Memory looked toward him and smiled. "Heeeyyyy. Loner. You're back. Another debt? Ten bucks. Or more, if you got more."

He gestured at a platypus yelling at a customer over a counter.

"I better warn ya, though. She's in a bad mood today." Memory said.

"I'm taking her." Perry said. "All the Royal Guard prisoners."

Memory stared at him. "You couldn't possibly be THAT loaded. Otherwise you wouldn't be livin' this kinda life."

"I have something that I'm pretty sure will mean more to you than money." Perry said.

Memory sneered. "Nothing means more than money to this ol' tortoise, Loner."

Perry held out his hand and unfolded his fingers, revealing the cow pendant.

Memory's face paled and his eyes widened. He slowly reached out and touched the pendant.

"Where… where did you get this?" Memory asked. "It's been lost… for generations."

"You'd be surprised where something can get to." Perry said. "Do we have a deal? Royal Guard?"  
"You've returned the honor to the Renegades." Memory said. "Years of lost honor."

"Royal Guard is free? And you won't bother them again?"

"So long as they stay away from our territory… I'll form a truce." Memory picked up the pendant and hung it around his neck. "I… I cannot tell you how much this means to me."

Perry pointed toward the counter.

"Yes… of course." Memory pulled a key out of the side of his shell and handed it to Perry. "There you go. One key works for all."

Perry rushed over to the counter, knocking over a couple of people seated at the bar. He handed the key to the platypus behind the counter.

Prince took it from him and smiled. "Took ya long enough."

* * *

Perry closed the door to the boys' room as quietly as he could.

"Hey, Perry!" Phineas sat up. "When'd you get back?"

"Sorry." Perry whispered. "I was trying to be quiet so I didn't wake you. Shh, don't wake Ferb-"

"Hey, Ferb!" Phineas threw a pillow at his brother's head. "Perry's back!"

Perry sighed.

Ferb rolled over in his sleep.

"He sleeps forever." Phineas complained. "So did you get Royal Guard out, Perry?"

"I did." Perry said. "And I got Truth and Minnie returned to their parents. Rem and Sneaks went home with Prince."

"Why do you look so upset, then?"

"Well… Prince got feverish on the ride back, so I took her to a doctor… well... she's... pregnant again."

"That's happy, Perry! Yay, Perry!"

"Yes, but… I don't know if I told you this… Doris, a psycho psychic wolf, accidentally cursed me a while ago… she said my next born child would be partially completely evil and partially completely good."

"Partially and completely don't work, Perry."

"Anything's possible." Perry said.

"True." Phineas said. "So… does Prince know?"

"Yes, I told her. She wasn't worried. She agreed with me, we'd love our pup no matter what. I just… I kind of wanted to wait to have another kid."

"So why didn't you?" Ferb mumbled into his pillow.

"Smack him with another pillow." Perry said.

Phineas threw a toy rabbit at Ferb's head. "I only had one pillow."

"I don't want to be stressing about a half-evil kid right now is all." Perry said.

"Well, everything seems worse at night. You're probably tired." Phineas said.

"You're right. I'll worry about it tomorrow." Perry climbed into his pet bed and pulled his blanket over him.

He closed his eyes.

"Buh-lowfish." Ferb said.

Phineas started to laugh.

"Be quiet, Ferb." Perry grumbled. "I'm trying to sleep."


	2. Chapter 2

"Everyone! I have an announcement!" Monogram shouted.

The animal agents continued to ignore him.

"I can peck the table into nothingness." Winslow the woodpecker told Marvin the monkey.

"You're on." Marvin said.

Winslow began to peck.

"Prince is pregnant again." Perry told Pinky the Chihuahua.

"Really?" Pinky said. "Congratulations, Perry!"

"Thanks." Perry half-smiled. "I'm pretty excited. And kind of terrified."

"Understandable." Pinky said.

"No, I'm terrified because…"

"AGENTS!" Monogram yelled. "SILENCE!"

Silence fell.

Winslow gave one last tentative peck.

And then it was silent again.

"We have a new agent." Monogram said. "A transfer from another O.W.C.A division. Everyone, meet Agent J."

A large, muscular, good-looking jaguar stepped out from behind Monogram and placed a fedora dramatically on his head.

A few of the female agents swooned.

"Hello." The jaguar said. His jaguar growls had a different accent than the ones Perry was used to. "I am, how do you say… Juan."

The females swooned again.

"He doesn't even know how to say his own name." Perry whispered to Pinky. "So dreamy."

Pinky rolled his eyes.

"Your accent is so… so…" Ilana the ibis said admiringly.

Juan swept a lock of fur out of his eyes. "Ah, yes. It is one in a million, is it not?"

"He's Juan in a million." Perry mocked.

"Shhh." Pinky hissed. "He'll hear you."

"Don't look at him." Devon the dog said, covering the eyes of Carrie the cat. "Otherwise you may date him instead of me."

"But Devon, I'm scared to date anyone other than you." Carrie said nervously. "And I'm also afraid of the dark. Please take your paws off my eyes."

* * *

"Where are the boys?" Perry asked Candace.

Candace didn't look up at him from her magazine. "Follow the screaming sound."

Hearing no screaming, Perry decided to disregard her comment and just go look upstairs. But as he set his foot on the bottom step, he heard it.

Perry turned around and skittered into the kitchen. Both boys were sitting on the kitchen counter with scrapes covering their arms and legs. Linda was attempting to clean their cuts out, and Phineas was causing quite an uproar. Ferb, however, didn't seem to be bothered.

"OWWWwwww." Phineas wailed.

"I'm sorry, honey." Linda said. "How did you get scratched up so badly?"

"We were each walking six porcupines." Ferb said. "They saw a lettuce-shaped kite and they dragged us down the road after it."

Linda smiled. "Oh, you boys and your active imaginations."

"IT HURTS LIKE FIRE." Phineas yelled.

"Shhh." Linda said. "Let me get some bandages."

She left the kitchen. Perry hopped up on the counter next to them.

"Owwwwwwww." Phineas said in a quieter tone.

"I hope it feels better soon." Perry said sadly.

"How are you not screaming, Ferb?" Phineas asked.

"I am screaming." Ferb said. "I am screaming so loud you can't even hear me. I'm screaming so loud your eardrums have already given out and you're just hearing the ghosts of a thousand things that could have been said."

"Does it really hurt that badly?" Perry asked.

Ferb nodded.

"It hurts like fire." Phineas informed him.

"Why don't you two just invent a cream or something that instantly heals cuts?" Perry asked.

"Ferb, I know what we're gonna-" Phineas hopped down from the counter and winced. "Ow. My knee."

Perry's watch beeped.

"Agent P!" Monogram said. "I need you down here."

"Sorry, boys. Seems like I have to head to work again. I'll see you when I get back. Hopefully you'll no longer be hurting like fire or screaming like a thousand ghosts."

* * *

When Perry entered his lair, Monogram was on the screen, trying to console a young woman with shiny blond hair and extremely tall purple high heels. She was wearing a long purple dress and a matching hat.

Perry instantly recognized her. He narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, woe is me!" Shrieked the woman. "Woe is me!"

"Agent… Agent P?" Monogram struggled to talk over her wails. "You remember my childhood friend, Thad Badley? Well, this… this is his daughter, singing sensation Kendrine Adems."

"Not anymore!" Kendrine wailed.

"Miss Adems, please tell Agent P your problem. We may be able to help you."

Perry folded his arms. "She needs more help than we can give." He muttered.

Kendrine turned around to face the screen and lightly dabbed her big blue eyes with a tiny purple hanky. The letters _KA_ were embroidered at the bottom.

Perry wondered if she changed her hanky every day to match her outfit.

"Well," Kendrine said with a sniff. "Last week, my hit single, 'Oh Yeah, Uh Huh', went down from number one to number TWO in the charts! NUMBER TWO!"

"Well, that is what it IS, anyway." Perry said.

"Your kind words console me, little duck, but I don't speak animal, I'm sorry." Kendrine dabbed her eyes again. "Anyway, I'm slowly becoming… oh, the wretched word… a HAS-BEEN. I am no longer the top pop singer in Danville. Oh, Uncle Francis! What am I going to do?" She buried her head in Monogram's chest and began to sob dramatically.

Monogram patted her awkwardly. "I'm… not your uncle, Miss Adems. Agent P, if it's not too much trouble, perhaps you could help Miss Adems… look for another place of work."

"It's all over!" Kendrine sobbed. "All over!"

"Yes, well… I'm certain Agent P can help you. We'll have you meet up with him sometime and discuss job opportunities."

Perry rolled his eyes. "I have better things to do. Like go name the dust bunnies under my bed. Frederick, Alexander, Martha Jane, Cody…"

"Oh, I just knew you'd help me!" Kendrine said, instantly recovering from her sobfest. "I just knew you would! Oh, thank you little blue duck! Thank you! What day works best for him?" She asked Monogram.

"He's free on Tuesday." Monogram said. "I'll appoint him to help you find work."

"I have to water my fish on Tuesday." Perry said.

"So it's settled, then!" Kendrine exclaimed. "Oh, thank you, Uncle Francis!"

Perry huffed and left the room. He obviously wasn't going to be included in the conversation, so he wasn't going to bother with being there for it.

* * *

"So what do I do?" Kendrine asked.

Perry pointed at the ice cream scoop. Then he mimed scooping out ice cream, putting it into a cone, and handing it to someone over the counter.

"Okay." Kendrine twisted her hair into a ponytail. "I totes got this. I totally look like a real worker, don't I?"

Perry didn't respond.

"I totally do." Kendrine told herself. She pulled a lipstick tube out of her purse and applied some to her mouth. "So, you're like, an agent? You like set up actors and actresses and stuff?"

Perry raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, right, _NVM_. Wrong agent." Kendrine said. She attempted to scoop some ice cream out of a bin using a cone.

Perry pressed his fingers against his temples.

"Are you like, psychic?" Kendrine asked. "Are you getting a vision or something?"

"No, I'm getting a migraine." Perry said through his teeth.

Phineas and Ferb came into the ice cream shop and waved to Perry.

"Ooh, customers!" Kendrine said. She straightened her uniform.

"Hi, Perry!" Phineas said happily. "We didn't know you worked here!"

"I don't." Perry said irritably.

"Is that singing sensation Kendrine Adems Clownington?" Ferb asked.

"I don't use the Clownington part." Kendrine attempted to flip her hair, but missed due to its ponytail state. "Are you a fan?"

"No, he just knows everything." Phineas said.

"I like cows, therefore I am." Ferb said.

Kendrine stared at him for a moment. Then she gave him her winning smile. "So, what will it be?"

"Where's Bob the ice cream man?" Phineas asked.

"It's his day off, so he hired Little Miss Crazy for the job." Perry said.

"I love your hair dye." Kendrine said.

Phineas and Ferb looked around to figure out who Kendrine was talking to.

"Red and green." Kendrine said. "How'd you get it that shade?"  
"Well." Ferb said. "It was very dark, and I was just minding my own business, swimming around-"

Phineas nudged him.

Ferb continued. "And then I realized that there was a-"

Phineas punched Ferb in the arm.

"Ow!" Ferb glared at him.

"What my brother means to say is… that's his natural hair color." Phineas said. "Mine is, too."

"Oh." Kendrine said. "So what'll it be?"

"Eight chocolate shakes, please." Ferb said.

* * *

"Darn, I didn't win eighty billion dollars." Peter said, tossing his lottery ticket aside. "And that would have been a wonderful contribution to the Save The Pandas fund."

"Peter, you really should save your money instead of blowing it all on the lottery." Pinky advised.

Peter shrugged.

Perry entered the main room. He didn't look very pleased. He was covered in splotches of red juice, cream, and what looked like melting milk chocolate.

"What happened to you?" Pinky asked.

Perry sighed and sat down across from them. "Kendrine happened to me. Her first job was in an ice cream shop. Sounds easy, right? But when our third customer came in, she started putting on lipstick and…"

"She leaned against the milkshake maker and it exploded." Peter said.

"No, she swung her arm out dramatically after she finished it and it flew out of her hand and clogged up the drain of the sink, where you dump excess ice cream people haven't finished. So I had to try and unclog it, and she turned the sink on, and ice cream. Everywhere. Cherries. Blow up. Big mess. Ugggghhhh." Perry slammed his head against the table. "I can't wait until she's out of my hair. Not only did I have to put up with her breaking my eardrums every single time I switched on the radio, NOW I have to find her a job."

"Well, it's good you're helping her." Pinky said. "Maybe things will go well for her in her next job."

"I don't give a–" Perry began.

"Franklin." Peter supplied.

Franklin the flamingo glared at Peter. Peter waved at him nervously.

"Like I said." Perry said, scowling at Peter. "I don't give a Franklin what happens to her with jobs. I just want her out of my hair."

"Look, guys, I don't want this to become a regular thing." Franklin said.

"I gotta wash that international pop sensation outta my hair." Peter began to sing.

"Shut the Franklin up." Perry mumbled.

Franklin threw his hands in the air and moved out of earshot.

"He's in a bad mood." Pinky whispered to Peter. "Don't provoke him."

"Guess what, Perry." Peter said. "Sergei's taking over your work when you're gone. So you don't have to worry about me stealing Doofenshmirtz again."

Perry ended up having to pay for the Peter-shaped hole in the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

"Perry! We built a tram-poline! It's a cross between a trampoline and a tram." Phineas said excitedly.

"Lovely." Perry muttered, partially listening to Phineas and partially dreaming about destroying the Carlos the Caring Clown toy once and for all.

"It moves and bounces." Ferb said. "Like Candace's cooking."

"Come on, Perry, you have to come see." Phineas shook Perry.

"Every time you shake me, the closer you come to a slow, painful death."

"Aw, you love us, Perry. You're kidding."

"No love when I am sleepy. Only death."

"Then wake up, Perry."

"You know why they invented waking up? Because they didn't have any good torture devices at the time."

"Perry, you're gonna waste the whole day."

"That's nice, Phineas. I'm just gonna go back to sleep now."

"Perry!"

"Your voice is a calm ocean wave lulling me to sleep, Phineas. Resistance is futile."

"PERRY!"

"Okay, fine, maybe it's a giant destructive wave. But… AGH." Perry sat up and rubbed his eyes. "You got me all riled up. And I was having such a nice dream."

"Now you can experience the tram-poline." Ferb said.

* * *

Perry knocked on Doofenshmirtz's door.

"JUST A MOMENT!" Doofenshmirtz shouted.

Perry heard a series of strange noises: A rubber duck quacking, something large falling to the floor, a siren of some sort, and a potato exploding.

Then Doofenshmirtz opened the door, wearing a flamingo hat.

Perry stared at the hat.

"What?" Doofenshmirtz asked. "This? This doesn't concern you." He tossed the plastic hat aside and moved away from the doorframe to let Perry in. "I don't actually have a plot for you to foil today, I've been very busy."

Perry wasn't disappointed. He was still exhausted from waking up at such an early hour to look at the tram-poline, and he hadn't been looking forward to a fight.

"Have a seat." Doofenshmirtz gestured to his couch, and Perry sat down. "I was just about to make myself some cinnamon toast and hot cocoa. You want some?"

Perry nodded.

"Okay." Doofenshmirtz got out a couple of chipped plates and placed two bread slices on them. "I can never remember if you're supposed to toast the bread before or after you put the cinnamon on. I'm gonna do before, because I don't want my toaster to get all cinnamon-y. Is before okay, Perry the platypus?"

Perry nodded and leaned back on the couch.

"You look tired. I never thought about you getting tired before." Doofenshmirtz stuck the bread slices into the toaster. "I mean, I've seen you tired a couple of times. But I've always thought of you as that little squirrel in those battery commercials that just keeps going and going and going. Have you ever seen those battery commercials, Perry the platypus? Isn't it funny that they advertise batteries? It seems more like something that people would NEED instead of something they'd be convinced to buy- like, 'I'm gonna go to the store and get some batteries, you know, because I need them'. But I can't picture anyone going 'Woah, those batteries look so cool. I'm gonna buy them right now'. Oh, the toast is done." Doofenshmirtz placed the toast slices back on the plates and began to butter them.

Perry yawned.

Doofenshmirtz poured cinnamon and sugar into an empty saltshaker and began to mix them. "They work you too hard down at that agency, Perry the platypus. They need to give you a break. You can hardly keep your little platypus eyes open." He poured the cinnamon and sugar mixture over the toast. It began to melt into the hot butter, and the smell of cinnamon radiated through the room. Perry's mouth watered.

"Here you go." Doofenshmirtz set a plate down in front of Perry along with a mug of hot chocolate. "There's your sugar fix. That'll get you up and running."

Perry smiled at him gratefully and bit into his toast. It tasted just as good as it smelled.

Doofenshmirtz sat down across from him with his own snack and stared at the floor.

"Do you ever get lonely, Perry the platypus?" He asked quietly.

Perry stared at him.

"Not now, I mean. Obviously you're here. But I get… I get kind of lonely when it's just me. I… I don't really have anyone I talk to, you know. Besides my pet rock. And my flamingo hat."

Perry looked down at his half-eaten toast that Doofenshmirtz had gone through the trouble to make him.

He had always believed Doofenshmirtz was talkative because he was so over-friendly. But now it occurred to him that perhaps it was because he was lonely. It would be horrible to live alone, with no family, with no friends… the silence would be deafening.

Maybe that was why Perry didn't like to make very much noise. He wasn't lonely. He had a family. He had friends. He was surrounded by people every single day. All Doofenshmirtz had was Norm, and occasionally Vanessa, who didn't interact with him much.

"Oh, and I have you, I guess." Doofenshmirtz brightened. "That's right. We talk."

Perry nodded. He bit into his toast again. It tasted so good that he forgot about his sadness and exhaustion.

"I won the cinnamon toast competition once." Doofenshmirtz said proudly. "Of course… it all depends on the quality of your ingredients."

* * *

"You going to sleep?" Prince asked.

"Not yet." Perry rubbed his eyes and continued typing his email.

 _…I am not writing this reference letter to tell you that you should employ Mrs. Kendrine Adems Clownington because she is a good worker. I'm writing to beg you to employ her so she'll get off my back. If she does really bad at this job, maybe she'll go back to singing horrible songs. Thank you, and good day. Perry Bartholomew Flynn-Fletcher._

"Remind me to never ask you for a letter of reference." Prince said, cuddling up to him.

"I'm tired." Perry said. "I get grumpy when I'm tired. I'm gonna regret this letter in the morning. Then again, maybe I won't. I don't care what happens to Kendrine." He closed his computer and set it down on the floor next to the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Prince wrapped her arms around his neck and began kissing his neck and chest.

Perry pushed her away and rolled onto his side. "All right, good night."

"You used to like it when I did that."

"I'm tired."

"Fine." Prince grumbled, pulling up the covers. "Goodnight, crankypants."

"Don't be mad."

Prince didn't respond.

Perry sat up. "I'm sorry, Prince. I'm just too tired to cuddle tonight."

"It's the stupid baby, isn't it? You're worried about me getting too hot or energized or cold or lazy or something. Stop babying me. I survived for five years in the most dangerous gang in Danville, AND I had my own baby to deal with. I think I can handle a little close snuggling. Seriously."

"Seriously, Prince, I'm tired."

"You can sleep while I cuddle you."

"Fair enough." Perry rolled over to face her and hugged her to him. "Goodnight."

Prince buried her head in his chest. "Night."

* * *

"I've been reading up on animal biology." Isabella said. "And I was wondering: Does Perry look more like his mom or his dad?"

"We haven't ever really seen his mom or dad." Phineas said, cutting out a picture of a skeleton from a magazine. "But I'm sure he looks like both of them. Platypuses look really similar to each other."

"Platypus mitosis complete." Ferb said.

Buford pasted a picture of a ghost to a large posterboard in the middle of the kitchen table. "I look exactly like my ma. We could be twins."

No one seemed to know how to respond.

"What about you, Isabella?" Ferb asked. "Do you look more like your mum or Mt. Garcia?"

"Mount Garcia?" Isabella asked.

"Oh, right, that was a video game we had." Phineas shook his head. "He means your dad."

"I look like my mom. We have the same face shape."

"Football-shaped, then?" Buford asked.

"Isabella looks nothing like a football, Buford." Baljeet said.

"Yeah, what are you talking about?" Phineas shook his head.

"I look like my dad." Baljeet said. "Before he got mauled by a tiger, I mean."

"I look like both of my parents and my cow." Ferb said, coloring in a witch hat.

"I don't look like either of mine." Phineas said. "Well, kind of like mom because of my hair color and eyes and stuff."

"Who had your nose?" Buford asked.

"Grandpa." Phineas said, annoyed. "He used to play that game with me all the time. 'Got your nose'!"

"No, I mean…"

"No one in the family had that nose." Ferb said. "It's quite odd, really."

"There's Perry!" Phineas picked up his beloved platypus and set him down on his lap. "Look, Perry. We're making a Halloween poster."

Perry chattered.

"Well, it's good to be prepared for when Halloween actually comes. You'll come trick-or-treating with us, right, boy?"

Perry chattered again.

"Why d'you pretend like you can understand him?" Buford asked.

"It's just fun." Phineas put Perry down on the table. Perry walked over to Baljeet and began to chew on his pencil eraser.

"Perry, it is very hard to write when you do that." Baljeet said.

* * *

"I come in, just wanting to lie down and rest, and you two are having an impromptu Halloween party, IN the kitchen, IN SEPTEMBER."

"We're allowed to have September Halloween parties, Perry. It's a free country." Phineas said. "Our country's creators made it so."

"One day, there was nothing." Ferb said. "No Danville. No us. No anyone. Then… way, way up in the sky… two gods were eating lunch together… their names were Povenmire and Marsh…"

"Ferb, your how-the-world-as-we-know-it-came-to-be story is gonna have to wait." Phineas said. "Perry, why are you so mad that we had friends over? We have them over every single day."

"The story cannot wait." Ferb said. "Don't anger the gods, Phineas. They created you first, you know."

Phineas sighed.

"I just spent the ENTIRE DAY delivering newspapers." Perry said. "EVERY. SINGLE. BLOCK. IN DANVILLE. Because STUPID Kendrine kept THROWING papers into birdbaths and into garden gnomes. She wouldn't focus. She kept talking on her phone to her husband. So I had to go back, on foot, and collect all the newspapers and put them by the door. And now my feet hurt like fire and all I want to do is soak them in some warm water and sleep for the rest of the day… and I come into the kitchen, and… actually… I don't even know why I got mad at you for that."

"You have been really tired lately." Phineas said.

"It's stupid Kendrine." Perry flopped down on Ferb's bed. "She messed up the newspapers… exploded the ice-cream shop… single-handedly destroyed a whole shelf of perfume bottles, causing me to pass out… and don't even ask how she messed up being a diaper saleswoman. You know what? I think she just likes creating drama."

"If she'd just go back to singing, maybe she'd remember why she was a singer in the first place and stay a singer." Phineas said.

"Or the closest she ever came to a singer." Perry muttered.

"And then our lives would be better because Perry would no longer be cranky." Ferb said.

"I never thought I'd ever say this… but I wish she'd go back to singing." Perry said. "How can we make that happen?"

"We'll have to formulate a plan." Phineas said. "Wait… what happened when she was a diaper saleswoman?"

"I told you not to ask."


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm starving." Perry grabbed a roll from the basket in the middle of the dining table and stuffed it into his mouth. He attempted to walk into the living room, but Phineas grabbed hold of his tail.

"Um… I'm kind of attached, Phin. If you want to borrow my tail, you'll have to have a word with the laws of nature."

"Where were you?" Phineas demanded. "You said you'd help us paint a mural on the bathroom wall."

"Sorry. I had an eye appointment. I forgot about it until this morning."

"There are doctors for people's eyes?" Phineas asked.

"Yes, Phin. They're called eye doctors." Ferb said.

"Why'd you have to go to an eye doctor?" Phineas asked.

"Just an exam. And I had to get a new pair of glasses. My glasses mysteriously broke in two after Ned the baby narwhal's magic show and I need them for when I can't find my contacts."

"How'd it go?"

"Like every annoying appointment. They attempted to dilate my pupils, but it hurts a lot so I always blink the liquid out before it gets in my eye. I'm a dilation-avoidance master."

"Actually, one of your pupils is really big." Phineas said. "They probably got some in that eye. Aw, it's so kawaii."

"Darn. Foiled by the eye doctor."

"It's like Ferb's eye. Except it's your pupils that are big and small, not your actual eyes."

"You know you wish you had disproportionate eyes." Ferb said.

"Oh, yes." Perry said. "Anyways, then they blew an entire hurricane's worth of air into my eyes and asked me to choose some frames for my new glasses. They were like, 'How does this look?' and I said, 'I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T SEE WITHOUT MY GLASSES!' so I guess I'm just gonna have to wait to see what frames I ended up getting."

"Maybe picture-frame frames." Ferb said. "Frames shaped like picture frames."  
"How much chocolate milk did he drink this morning?" Perry asked Phineas.

* * *

"So, what job are you gonna screw up today?" Perry tore open a letter while Kendrine sat and watched, running her fingers through her silky hair.

"I still don't get why they fired me from that job as an English teacher." Kendrine said. "I hope this one works out."

Perry glared at her. "Gee, I wonder why. Maybe because you told your students 'supercalifragialisticexpialidocious' is pronounced 'superdinkywinkyflumpywumpydishydopefish'."

"It will work out." Kendrine said. "I just know it will. So, what's my next job, little ducky?"

"I am NOT a duck." Perry mumbled. He scanned the letter quickly before giving it to Kendrine.

"Ooh, they need a comedian at Danville' Comedy Club tonight! I guess I can use some of my husband's dumb old jokes. Will you come to my show, ducky duckling?"

"I'm sorry, I have to go spend some quality time with my lawnmower." Perry said. "It gets lonely if I don't tie little blue bows on its handle every day."

"Oh, thank you, sweet little duck." Kendrine hugged him.

Perry pushed her away. "Call me a duck one more time…"

* * *

"I can't believe I was forced by Monogram to go to this." Perry said, putting his face in his hands.

"I can't believe you forced us to come with you." Darren the duck said.

"I like clubs." Peter the panda said. "But casinos are better. Once I won ten million dollars in a casino. I sent it straight to the Save The Pandas fund, of course."

"This is the perfect place for our sixtieth date, Devon woodles." Carrie the cat said to Devon the dog.

"When Perry threatened me with injury to come here with him, I knew it was just the place." Devon said proudly.

They kissed.

"Yech. Tell me when the X-rated part is over." Perry covered his eyes.

"You do worse with Prince in public." Peter said. "I'm just sayin'."

"No, I don't."

"Don't you remember, Perry?" Peter said. "At the O.W.C.A party a few months ago?"

"And then there was that time Pinky broke into Prince's house." Darren sipped his drink.

"He told you about that?" Perry demanded.

"Don't worry, Perry. I'm certain if you threaten him, he won't tell." Carrie said. "And he may get to take his girlfriend on a fabulous date."

"Threats lead to many good things." Devon said.

They kissed again.

"Blegh." Perry covered his face.

"Okay, let's not start that whole conversation again." Darren said.

"Look, Dev? Carrie? I'm already gonna be plenty sick when Kendrine starts her comedy act, so can you two PLEASE save the romance for later?"

"'No kissing', says the guy who had six pups between two females." Darren said.

"Leave my love life out of this." Perry snapped. "Guy-who's-dating-a-girl-whose-best-quality-is-the-ability-to-spell."

"You dare insult Serah with an E and an H?" Darren said.

"Oh, sorry, INability-to-spell."

"Guys!" Devon pushed them away from each other. "Fighting never solved anything."

"Yeah, but it makes me feel better." Perry growled.

The lights in the club began to dim. A single spotlight focused on a stage in the back of the room.

"Shh." Peter said. "It's starting."

"Oh, Franklin." Perry covered his eyes. "Tell me when it's over."

The curtain parted, and Kendrine stepped into the spotlight, wearing a bright red dress.

"Hey, hey, hey! Welcome to Danville's Comedy Club. I'm Kendrine Adems, former singing sensation. So, how about this stage, huh? It's a-STAGE-ing!"

Dead silence.

"Was that supposed to be a joke?" Carrie asked nervously. "I'm afraid of jokes that aren't funny."

Devon covered her ears.

"Well, never mind the stage then." Kendrine sat down on a stool. The spotlight moved to focus on her. "So, the other day my husband asked me if I had any extra cash on me. Naturally I didn't. I told him I spent it all on clothes. And then do you know what he said? 'There are things more important than FASHION, Kendrine.' Ha! Isn't that funny?"

Someone coughed.

"Aaaannnnddd… do you know what I told him after that?" Kendrine asked. "I told him that he was a big clown! …See, 'cause his last name is Clownington."

More silence.

"Um… and now I would like to sing a little song."

Perry lifted his head up.

The piano player began to play. Kendrine opened her mouth.

Perry plugged his ears and smiled. His plan was working perfectly.

Soon Kendrine would remember how fun singing was and go back to it.

Kendrine began to sing.

 _Oh, how the sun sets,_

 _A-thousand-shades a' orange and a million pinks,_

 _The sun's a' only settin' just for you and me_

 _Me and my Billy Ghee_

"Hey!" Peter said happily. "My sister Prissy wrote that song! I bet she gave it to all the clubs in Danville for free! See, they wouldn't pay her for it… Prissy was never much of a songwriter."

Kendrine got off of the stool and began to dance.

 _Oh, how the flies fly_

 _Around the kinda man that is my special-est guy_

 _What a' ever more'a could I ever need_

 _Than me and my Billy Ghee_

Perry slammed his head against the table.

"That's what my grandfather did when Prissy sang the song for him." Peter observed.

Kendrine picked up a wall clock that was leaning against the stage and began to dance while holding it in front of her.

 _And when the clock, strikes, nine_

 _And we're sharin' watermelon by the seaful sea,_

 _Nothin' ever could'a mean that much to me_

 _Than me and my Billy Ghee_

 _Gotta lotta lovin' for my Billy Ghee_

 _Even though he cheats on me_

 _Oh yeah, gotta love a' gotta love my Billy Ghee_

 _And I'll a' kill him if he cheats on me_

There was complete and utter silence.

The piano player hiccupped.

"YAY!" Thad Badley said, standing up from his seat and clapping. "YAY, KENDRINE! THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL!"

Kendrine blew him a kiss. "Thanks, daddy!"

Thad sat back down. There was another awkward silence.

Then, suddenly, thunderous applause and laughter.

"If Prissy could see this now." Peter said admiringly, patting his front paws together. "I'm actually clapping for the Billy Ghee song."

"They… they LIKED that?" Perry asked.

"I guess they thought it was part of the comedy routine." Carrie said quietly.

* * *

"And when the clock, strikes, nine!" Devon and Peter sang. "And we're sharin' watermelon by the seaful sea…"

"Please stop." Perry said.

"Hey, it was a hit, Perry." Darren said. "Kendrine has a job now. You don't have to deal with her anymore."

"Nothin' ever could'a mean that much to meeeee, than me and my Billy Gheeeeee!" Peter bellowed.

"That's true." Perry shrugged. "At least I don't have to deal with THAT stress anymore."

"ME AND MY BILLY GHEEEEE!"

Perry's phone buzzed. He picked it up and covered his other ear in an attempt to block out the Ballad of Billy Ghee.

"Yes?"

"Perry? I need help… I'm just… I hurt so bad…"

"You're hurt? Prince, what happened?"

"No… I… I just hurt. Please… please. I can't…"

"You can't what?"

"Please…"

Perry hung up and ran down the street.

"Where are you going?" Peter called. "We still have five more verses to sing you!"

* * *

"Beat you."

"Did not, I totally won that round!"

Ferb snickered. "Sure. I'm sure you got a lot of extra bonus points for falling in the trap twelve times."

"We'll let the game decide." Phineas said, staring at his handheld console.

FERBOOCH WINS flashed onto the screen.

"Ha!" Ferb grinned at him.

"Oh, stop gloating-"

Suddenly came the sound of a car screeching on its brakes.

Both boys froze.

Then came an incredibly loud crashing sound. The room shook.

Phineas and Ferb jumped out of bed and ran downstairs. Candace was already standing at the foot of the stairs.

"What happened?" Phineas asked.

"Someone crashed their car into the side of our house." Candace said. "Don't go into the living room. Mom and dad know."

"Wait, like… on purpose?" Phineas asked.

Candace shrugged. "I don't know. Just don't go into the living room."

"Why?" Phineas asked.

"Because there's a CAR IN THERE." Candace said.

"Oh." Phineas said.


	5. Chapter 5

Perry sat and stared at the floor.

"I know exactly how ya feel." A raccoon agent said.

Perry didn't look up.

"Many times I've sat here." The raccoon said. "They always said she'd get better. But she never did. She's still just as bruised and broken as the day I laid eyes on her."

Perry tried to memorize the tile pattern on the floor.

"Poor little apple." The raccoon said, shaking his head. "I told Gene the giraffe not to bite her and throw her on the ground. He never respected the eat-what-you-can law of nature. He coulda at least left the stem. But no, now she has to suffer as they try to pump her back into her former red beauty. She's not eaten, she's not whole. My poor little apple."

Perry slowly looked up from the tile and stared at him.

"You're talking… about an apple."

"Yes." The raccoon said. "But your apple is in trouble now. And I know just how you feel."

"No." Perry said coldly. "You do NOT know how I feel. I've been afraid of losing things for years. Ever since my friend was killed. He had no choice, no chance at life, no purpose as far as anyone knew. They believed his sole purpose was to die. They didn't care about him, or what kind of a creature he was. I lost him because of that. Because people didn't care. They didn't take one moment to think about how others feel, and whether they feel. I live in fear of losing my entire family and way of life at any moment. I could lose them. My boys. My family. My nemesis. The agency could just drag me away from them and everyone I care about. I lost connections with half of my pups because I couldn't balance them with the rest of my life. I lost a friend when I tried to make more out of our relationship. See where it's left me? Staring at the floor. Trying to prepare myself for more loss. But I'm never gonna be prepared. The universe is going to keep taking everything I love away from me, and I'm going to get hurt every single time. It's always been that way, and I can't change it. So no. You do not know how I feel. Not even close."

The raccoon's mouth was completely open.

Perry went back to staring at the floor.

"Man." The raccoon said quietly. "You made my apple story sound totally lame."

The door next to their bench swung open. An orangutan padded out.

"Agent P?"

Perry stood up. "Orville. Is she okay?"

"Can't tell at this point." Orville said. He motioned for Perry to follow him into the room.

Perry obeyed, his hands shaking.

Orville closed the door behind them and pointed over at a small bed.

Perry approached it and kneeled down beside it. He lightly stroked Prince's head.

"Prince? You okay?"

Prince smiled a little.

"Hey. What took you so long? You busy reading the magazines in the waiting room?"

"Are you going to be all right?" He turned to Orville. "What happened?"

"Twins." Orville said simply. "She laid a twin egg. They're very unusual. Larger than normal eggs. However... it shouldn't have been such an ordeal. I'm still trying to figure out why you had to bring her in."

"…Twins? So…"

Orville pointed to a large egg sitting in an incubator.

"We're having twins?"

"Yes."

Perry tried to process this.

"How do you think the twin thing will work?" Prince asked weakly. "One good and one bad? Or... both?"

"What?" Perry asked.

"She's confused. She doesn't know what she's saying." Orville said. "You should probably let her get some rest."

"She knows exactly what she's saying." Perry said. "The curse. I don't know, Prince… I guess so… or… it could be that one twin is affected, and the other one isn't. Like… the older one will be affected? Maybe?"

"I must have been wrong when I told Monogram you were completely unaffected by that bonk on the head you took when you were two." Orville shook his head. "You're both crazy. Let her sleep, now. She's still very unstable. I'll keep running tests and let you know when she can go home."

Perry kissed Prince gently on the cheek and stood up. "I'll be back. Get better."

* * *

"But I WASN'T driving under influence! I learned to drive on my own accord! My parents even UN-influenced me to drive when I wanted to get my license. My mother always said I'd end up crashing into someone's house one day. Huh, I guess she was right."

"Save your breath." The policeman said.

Doofenshmirtz sighed. He hated dealing with the law. For some reason, the Danville police force didn't seem to like him much. Maybe it was because he always forgot to get a license for certain inators, maybe it was because he created that police-destructinator… he really couldn't know for sure.

The policeman led him into the Danville police office and sat him down in a chair across from Officer Bill.

"You again?" Bill said, sounding annoyed.

"It has nothing to do with hay bales this time, I promise." Doofenshmirtz retorted.

Bill turned to the policeman. "What happened?"

"The individual was seen speeding through a neighborhood before making a sudden turn and smashing into a family's house on Maple Drive." The policeman said.

"You know my name, guys." Doofenshmirtz said. "You don't have to keep doing that 'the individual' thing."

"Did you test him to see if he was under influence?" Bill asked.

"I told him already." Doofenshmirtz was beginning to lose his patience. "NO ONE ever influenced my decision to drive. I chose that. I didn't choose to slam into that random house, though."

Bill rolled his eyes. "Fine. What's your side of the story?"

"I was driving and suddenly I lost control of the steering." Doofenshmirtz said. "I don't know how. Next thing I knew, I was in some family's living room."

"Why were you speeding?" Bill asked.

"Well, you see, I was listening to this super-fast song on the radio." Doofenshmirtz said. "Sometimes I like to make the car dance along to songs."

Bill glowered at him.

"Um… I mean, I was in a hurry." Doofenshmirtz said quietly.

"I think we'll have to hold you here until we can find a witness." Bill said.

Doofenshmirtz swallowed. "What? You mean… in… in the jail? I… I mean…" He suddenly got angry. "What's the point of that? Someone could be going around beating people up or robbing someone's house! My steering locks up and you stick me in jail!"

The policeman shrugged. "It's been kind of a slow crime week."

"We can't assume that you ACCIDENTALLY hit that house." Bill said. "It could have been a murder attempt. So, you'll stay with us until we can find a witness or until someone pays your bail. You have one phone call."

"I can't call anyone." Doofenshmirtz said sadly. "My family wouldn't pay… and my daughter doesn't have that kind of money."

"Then I guess you're waiting for a witness." Bill said.

* * *

Perry headed down Maple Drive.

The cool night air during the walk home had calmed him a little. He was beginning to forget the hectic evening he had just had.

Until he saw a large car implanted in the side of his house.

Perry frowned. He was pretty sure the boys hadn't started a car-house project. And it did look more destructive than creative.

Like someone had driven the car into the side of the house at a really fast speed.

Perry's phone buzzed. He picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Perry? Perry the platypus? Oh I'm so glad this number works. Listen… uh… this is kind of awkward, but… I kind of need you to come down to the Danville Police Station and pay my bail. They think I tried to murder someone or convince myself to drive or something… I don't know. They make no sense."

Perry closed his eyes.

"Please, Perry the platypus? Please come. I hate being behind bars. It's really… really lonely here. And kind of scary. Pleasseee?"

Perry gave a meaningless chatter and hung up. He'd just have to find out about the random car later.

He turned around and ran back up the way he came.

* * *

Officer Bill unlocked the barred door and stepped aside so Doofenshmirtz could come out.

Perry was instantly hoisted into the air and squeezed.

"Thank you!" Doofenshmirtz said happily. "Oh, I knew you'd come, Perry the platypus. I kept telling myself you would."

Perry began to gasp for air.

"They didn't believe my story. But I told them, Perry the platypus will come and bail me out and then you'll know I was innocent because I actually have a frie- I mean, someone who's into all that law stuff who also… supports me and stuff. So, yaaay! Freesies! All thanks to YOU, Perry."

Perry desperately tried to get out of Doofenshmirtz's grip.

Doofenshmirtz suddenly released him. Perry fell to the floor, coughing and sputtering.

"Do you have a cold, Perry the platypus? Don't get your cold germs on me. I've already had a hard-enough night."

 _Same. I had to watch Kendrine Adems sing the world's worst song, my girlfriend nearly died, there's a car in my living room and I just used two weekly salaries to pay off your bail._

But when he looked up at Doofenshmirtz's happy, relieved face, Perry's mood softened. He half-smiled back at him.

* * *

"So… I didn't know that was your house." Doofenshmirtz wrung his hands. "Really sorry about that. I mean, even if I had known, I wouldn't have been able to do anything. My steering just went out and then everything went BOOM. So yeah. Really sorry."

Perry shook his head.

"I hope the ice cream at least kind of made up for it." Doofenshmirtz said. "Was it good, Perry the platypus? I know chocolate's your favorite, but I'm sure chocolate chip was a good substitute."

Perry shrugged. He felt very tired. It was quite a bit past midnight, and he had been up since six in the morning.

Doofenshmirtz seemed to notice. "Maybe we should sit down for a second." He pointed over at a bench in Danville Park. "But we can't wait long. I have to get back to my building before three or Norm gets worried and starts stepping on everything. I learned that the hard way. The hard way is experience, by the way. That's the way that the hard way is by the way, anyway."

They sat down on the park bench.

Perry stared up at the sky. The stars looked so pretty. He remembered Phineas telling him once that one of the stars was actually a milkshake bar.

Perry squinted to try and make it out, but he didn't know where to look.

"Aren't they pretty, Perry the platypus?" Doofenshmirtz said. "I'm sure glad I'm here instead of in that stupid jail. Stars don't look that pretty through bars. Ha! I rhymed something. Without meaning to."

Perry was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He shivered a little.

"Are you cold?" Doofenshmirtz asked.

Perry nodded.

Doofenshmirtz took his lab coat off and handed it to Perry. Perry draped it around himself.

He became too tired to sit up. He lay down and rested his head on Doofenshmirtz's leg.

It was odd that being with Doofenshmirtz had been the calmest part of his day.

He watched the stars until he drifted off to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

"Sir?"

Perry opened his eyes. He saw bright sunlight… partially blocked out by a very large robot man.

It was Norm.

"Sir, I was very worried." Norm said loudly. "I accidentally destroyed the bedroom in my concern. Are you okay, sir?"

Perry looked around, trying to figure out where he was.

Right. Danville Park.

He was resting partly on the bench, partly on Doofenshmirtz's leg, with Doofenshmirtz's lab coat wrapped snugly around him. Doofenshmirtz was asleep sitting up. He didn't look comfortable.

"Sir, I am beginning to worry again." Norm said.

Doofenshmirtz sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Ow. My neck. What was I…"

Perry pushed himself up and pulled the lab coat off. He handed it back to Doofenshmirtz.

"Thank you, Perry the platypus." Doofenshmirtz put it back on. "You know… that was kind of nice. We should look at the stars again sometime. You're a fun friend."

Perry choked on his own saliva. He stared at Doofenshmirtz with wide eyes.

Doofenshmirtz looked embarrassed. "Uh… did I say that? I mean… no, I said… there's a fun trend. I don't know what I said. Whatever. Okay. See you next scheme. Norm, you'd better have not destroyed anything while I was gone." Doofenshmirtz got up and started to walk towards his building.

"But sir, I was deeply concerned for your welfare!" Norm said.

 _Friend._

Doofenshmirtz had never called him that before. And yet for some reason, Perry wasn't too confused to hear it.

It was as though they had always been friends… but neither one of them dared admit it.

But how was that possible? How could you hate someone and like them at the same time?

Perry's head hurt. He got up from the bench and headed home.

* * *

"Don't mess around." Perry warned the boys as they got into the backseat of the car. "This is Carl's car. I'm just borrowing it."

"Thanks for picking us up, Perry." Phineas put his seatbelt on.

"I decree we pick up some junk food, drive around a little, and then head home."

"Yeah!" Phineas pumped his fist. "For the best night ever!"

"He says that about every night." Ferb said.

"But we do have good ones, don't we, Ferb?"

Ferb nodded.

"Where's the best place to get junk food?" Perry asked.

"Mr. Slushie Burger." Ferb said.

"We should have real dinner when we get home, though." Phineas said.

"I forgot you two were health food nuts. Would you rather just get some ice cream or something?"

"We're not health food nuts." Phineas said. "We just like healthy snacks sometimes."

"We eat a good variety of things." Ferb said, emphasizing the word _things_.

"Oh, Ferb." Phineas said.

"We'll just have a fun night at home, then." Perry said. "I don't like going out much anyways."

"What's the celebration all of a sudden?" Phineas asked.

"Did Kendrine Adems explode into firey flames?" Ferb asked.

"Close. She got a job. Now she can't bug me anymore. She's a comedian."

"Didn't see that coming." Phineas said.

"Me neither. For some reason people like listening to Billy Ghee. As far as I'm concerned, they can knock themselves out. So long as it gets Kendrine off my back. Which it did."

"Then we definitely should celebrate!" Phineas said. "Let's stay up all night!"

"And drink chocolate milk!" Ferb said.

"Bro, you're like addicted to chocolate milk." Phineas said. "I was raised on normal milk, and I don't drink it as much as you do chocolate."

"I think my blood is 76% chocolate milk." Ferb said.

"I wouldn't be surprised." Perry said.

* * *

"That smells so good, Perry." Phineas said, peering into the pot Perry was stirring.

"Don't burn yourself." Perry said, pushing him back. "But thanks. Real Italian pasta. Put a little salt into the water before putting the pasta in."

"Where'd you learn to make that?"

"The internet." Perry said. "Just kidding. My cousin Pietro is from Italy and he's always sending me recipes and cooking hints."

"So cool." Phineas said.

"If you guys like, tomorrow we can make hot chocolate the way this new agent Juan makes it. With cinnamon."

"It must be Juan in a million." Ferb said.

"Hey, I used that joke." Perry said.

Ferb shrugged. "You guys want me to make the sauce?"

"NO, Ferb." Phineas said. "Remember what happened the last time you made the sauce? Isabella nearly poked Buford's eye out trying to get him to give her the last bit of his portion. And then Buford tried to stick her and Baljeet into the washing machine to get their portions."

"I'll put less of the secret ingredient then." Ferb said. "It'll still be good, but not so good that you guys will want to maim each other to get more."

"I'm kind of afraid to taste it." Perry said.

"It's SOOOOOOO good, Perry." Phineas said. "Ferb is a god with sauce."

"Don't put any watermelons in it this time." Perry warned.

* * *

Perry rinsed out a mug and hand-dried it with a towel. He placed it inside the dishwasher and started on the next one.

Both boys had passed out on the sofa halfway through their movie. Perry had watched it until the end, and then went into the kitchen to clean.

Finding he was running out of dishes to rinse, Perry began hand-washing the leftover ones. He was scrubbing the sauce from a plate when Phineas entered the room.

"Perry?"

"Hey, Phin. You guys fell asleep. You want me to start the movie over?"

"Uh-huh." Phineas rubbed his eyes. "You don't have to wash those, Perry. You can just stick them in the dishwasher. Ferb and I will get our dishes."

"It's okay. I like doing this."

"You like washing dishes?"

"Cleaning calms me." Perry put the plate on the drying rack.

"Huh?"

"If I feel a little sad, I start cleaning. It gives me something to concentrate on other than my thoughts. Everything has its place to go. It's very soothing, somehow. Just clean everything off and put it in its proper place."

"You sound like one of those Disney princesses." Phineas said sleepily. He sat down on the counter. "What was the name of that one that kept cleaning with all the animals?"

"Water Blue or something." Perry said. "From what I remember, she just barged in on these seven guys and told them they lived in a pigsty and started cleaning stuff without asking. And then she ate an apple and got food poisoning."

"That doesn't sound like the story I remember."

"Maybe your memory's funky. You're tired."

"Why are you sad?"

Perry sighed. "Just… stuff. A lot of memories. A lot of things I wish I could fix, and I can't."

"Everything's fixable." Phineas said. "Nothing's impossible."

"For you, maybe." Perry said. "But for me… I can't fix everything, Phin. I don't have that mindset or that power."  
He looked into Phineas's concerned blue eyes.

"Don't end up like me, Phin. I want you to keep being your same optimistic self. Keep fixing everything."

"I get sad sometimes too, Perry." Phineas said. "You know what I do?"

"What?"

"I think of all the people I love… and then I picture their faces… and then I think about what they would say to help me feel better. And also giraffes."

"You're overly tired. Go back to the couch."

"Giraffes are happy things." Phineas said stubbornly. "I'm not gonna tell you to not be sad, Perry. People used to tell me that all the time when I was little, and it was so annoying. Ferb didn't ever do that. He just let me be sad and he listened to what I had to say. And it made me feel so much better. And now I never feel sad… mostly. So… if you ever need someone to listen… Ferb and I are here."

Perry smiled a little. "Thanks, Phinny. Wake Ferb up so we can watch the movie over. I'll make some popcorn."

Phineas bounded into the living room.

"Wake him up calm-"

"FERRRRRBBBBB! WAKE UP!"

"-ly."

* * *

"Whichever one breaks the shell first is the oldest." Orville said. "Or at least that's what we were told. I'm not sure how twin platypuses work."

"I think that's it." Perry said. "I remember being really annoyed with my older twin brother for breaking the egg open. It was all nice and dark and warm, and he ruined it."

Peter poked his head through the door. "We're going to have an O.W.C.A meeting."

"Can't make it." Perry said.

The egg in the incubator cracked slightly.

"Why not?" Peter asked.

"In case you haven't noticed, our egg is hatching." Prince said.

"Oh." Peter said, seemingly uninterested. He left the room.

A few moments later, the room was filled with animal agents, all crowding around the incubator.

"Don't you guys have other things to do?" Perry asked.

"No." Billy the beaver said.

"Are baby chicks hatching?" A voice asked in the back.

"Whose baby is being born?" Another one asked.

"The people you're squishing up against the incubator." Perry snapped. "Seriously, give us some room."

The animal agents backed up a little. Perry turned his attention back to the egg.

A loud crack sounded, and a tiny bill poked through the shell. It pecked the shell again, and the egg broke open.

Out padded a little baby platypus, followed by another one that looked similar. They both looked around curiously.

"Well, neither of them appear to be evil." Perry said.

"They're wonderful." Prince said happily.

"A male and a female." Orville said. "You know what, I really can't tell. Platypuses all look the same."

"The older one's a female." Perry said.

"You're a better judge." Orville shrugged.

"They're so cute." Clara the chicken said.

"You should name one, how do you say, Juan II." Juan said.

"Uh, no." Perry said. He turned to Prince. "Names?"

"Shredder and Fury." Prince said.

Perry cringed. "Okay. Let me rephrase that question. BETTER names?"

"You could name one after my father." Peter said. "Pascal the panda."

"Pascal…" Prince said thoughtfully. "Kind of interesting. Ordinary, but interesting."

"I like it." Perry said.

"Fine. Boy's Pascal and the girl's Pandora." Prince said.

"My father would be honored, but he can't be because he's dead." Peter said.

"Don't start that again." Pinky said.

Brandon the bulldog pushed the agents away, bellowing through a megaphone. "Okay, move along, folks. Nothing to see here."

"Um, except adorable platypus babies." Peter said.

"They're here." Perry said fondly, putting his finger on the glass of the incubator.

Pascal waddled over and attempted to bite it.

"Yes." Prince said. "They're here."


	7. Chapter 7

"Here's your new home." Perry said, setting the little platypuses down on the floor. "I think you'll like it."

Pandora took two steps and fell down flat on her face. Pascal waddled into the living room.

"They're good with walking." Perry commented. "Is Remy here?"

"No. They're off cracking some huge case in another state." Prince said.

"Sneakers is probably asleep in the back room." Prince said. "JD left this morning, so she hasn't had her breakfast. I'll go make her some. Dang, aren't they beautiful?"

Perry nodded. "They're adorable. I love them already."

Pascal hopped straight up into the air.

"I'll come by and spend the night with you guys." Perry said. "Right now I have to get back to the agency."

"Great." Prince scooped the twins up. "I'll feed them and see if I can get hold of Remy."

Perry smiled.

He kissed Prince on the cheek and the twins on the head. "I'll see you guys later. Be good."

Pandora drooled.

* * *

Perry sat down in his chair and started rearranging his desk drawer. He felt completely happy and at peace. His pups had hatched, Doofenshmirtz had given him a cupcake as a reward for showing up to thwart him, and the boys had promised they would have the best invention ever waiting for him when he got home.

"Oh, little duck!"

Well, there went his mood.

Kendrine popped up behind him and placed something in his hands. "Guess what that is?" She said proudly.

"It's my little Kendrine's newest album!" Thad Badley said as he entered Perry's lair, followed by Monogram.

"Invite the whole town, will ya?" Perry muttered.

"You see," Kendrine said, flipping her hair. "I discovered I wasn't quite… cut out to be a comedian. So I took my hit comedian song and recorded it. And guess what? It's a number-one hit! I'm back in business!"

"Goody for you." Perry looked at the album cover.

"THE BILLY GHEE TRILOGY. Sung by Kendrine Adems. Songs by Priscilla Panda."

"Oh yes, I am going places!" Kendrine said happily. "And I have you to thank!"

"Good work, Agent P." Monogram said.

"Good work." Perry said to himself. "That's all I get. Great."

* * *

"So…" Phineas put his hands together. "Kendrine quits being a singer… you help her with like eight jobs… and then she just goes back to being a singer?"

Perry nodded. "Crazy, right? I just don't understand her. At least she'll never bug me again."

"Who picked those jobs for her, anyway?" Ferb asked. "They weren't very well-suited to her talents."

"Yeah." Phineas said. "It's like they were meant to make her fail. Who set up those jobs?"

Perry tried to suppress his grin, but failed.

"Perry…" Phineas said.

"I figured after she failed, she'd just go back to singing." Perry shrugged. "Also… it was kind of fun to see how badly she screwed up at each job."

"You're evil." Ferb said, laughing.

Perry shook his head and smiled. "Not evil. Completely good… with… perhaps a little hint of evil."  
"Like my cow." Ferb said.

"Or my uncle Dan." Phineas said.

"Not gonna even ask. So, how should we celebrate the fall of Kendrine Adems this time?"

"Technically, she rose to fame." Ferb said. "She didn't fall."

"You call Billy Ghee a rise to fame? As far as I'm concerned, the Kendrine Empire has plummeted like forty stories."

"We could sing Billy Ghee to celebrate." Phineas said.

"Don't even joke about that, Phin."


End file.
